Still 23 weeks...

I always do best when starting with the good news but that would just be confusing to the story. Unfortunately, the best case scenario of stability and home bed rest wasn't in the cards for us and Eric and I are still in the hospital. During my last ultrasound (here at the hospital), the found that my cervix has decreased even more. That's why I am here versus at home. That being said, there is good news... they did a special test (fetal fibronectin, maybe it means "Baby Honey"?) that measures my hormones to see if I will deliver in the next two weeks and it was negative (with 98% accuracy). The doctors and nurses keep telling me how good this is and the doctor who did the rounds this morning noted it and left very quickly. Nothing exciting here I guess.

More good news would be that tomorrow is 24 weeks. Addi is still so tiny and before 24 weeks survival rates are very low, between 20-30%. After 24 weeks, they keep going up from 50%. These are things I don't like to think about and have chosen not to for most of these past 48 hours. But I keep telling myself this milestone is good.They took me off the contraction monitor and I didn't really have any at all, just some uterine irritability which is mostly normal. They check Addi's heartbeat every once in a while and my vitals. They took out my IV and I am almost done a second round of medicine to make sure the uterine irritability stays quiet.

If everything is stable on Thursday they might lift some of my restrictions and let me do things like shower and ride in a wheelchair. For today, I am going to be moved to a bigger room and just check in with the nurse as needed. The truth to me is that I don't see why I couldn't do this at home, as I am a very good patient, but I am thankful for the watchful eye of the doctors. I hold out hope for good news, the possibility of restrictions being lifted and the far away dream of being able to go home still pregnant and rest there.

I'd like to say I've been positive and strong and all of those lovely things we say we would be "if I was in that situation". Sometimes I am those things but other times I am sad and angry and I panic. I miss my bed and my Baby Roo and nice warm baths. I miss what I thought my pregnancy was going to be and the easy way of life- not worrying. I don't want to go crazy. I think the nurses covert-ly check on this each time they come in by checking your wrist band and asking you for your name and date of birth. They want to make sure you haven't lost it. Thankfully I haven't lost it enough to not be able to keep up with friends on the phone and internet, I have one coming today for lunch and hopefully some more this week. Real food and real conversation with a real person who will not poke or prod me! What more could a girl ask for? I have wonderful friends! I think that's about it for now, thank you all again for your love and support, its truly a blessing!