Well, we made it to another milestone, week 24! This morning has been a difficult one for Eric and I, very emotional. We met with one of the doctors (woken up at 8:00am), then the nurse and then the perinatologist. Each had different information. I am still trying to make sense of it all and I will try to communicate it coherently! First of all, Eric and I had made a mental list of some questions for the doctors last night including "Why the heck am I here (ie- in the hospital and not home)?", "What is it that they are looking for?" It was our understanding that there wasn't anything they could do for us and that I am only here in case something bad happens.Yes, my cervix is short but I have not had any contractions my water has not broken and I have no other symptoms.
Now, I probably sound ungrateful and like the worst patient ever. I get it. A shortened cervix is a bad thing. It is serious and needs to be taken seriously. There is no question that Addi is my most important priority. I would stand on my head for weeks for her if they told me it would help. However, the doctors have been clear that there is nothing they can do to lengthen my cervix or prevent further shortening. They hope bed rest helps but there is no guarantee. These are where my questions come in. The thought that I am here just waiting until something bad happens is maddening.
So these questions brought us to our first conversation with the doctor- Dr. Shakar (who reminds me very much of my high school best friend's Dad). He was one of the first doctors I met with here and he is from my OB/GYN office. Yesterday was extremely frustrating for us because they only checked my vital signs and Addi's heartbeat (no contraction monitor, no blood work, no other tests), all good. We talked for quite a while but it left me in tears. The bottom line was that they were keeping me here indefinitely, monitoring me.
Eric and I talked and I cried and vented that they weren't monitoring me, for example putting me on a "monitor". This led us to get the nurse and talk with her. She was a wonderful blessing. She reminded me of my favorite teacher growing up, Mrs. Urner. She sat with us a cried with us and tried to explain that the "monitoring" that Dr. Shakar was talking about was everything they were doing already and checking in with me a few times a day. The feeling I got from that conversation was that we are here for the long haul, many weeks and coping should be my biggest goal. This gave me some perspective about the big picture but left me sad that there is little I or anyone can do to help Addi. It did give me the sense that I am doing everything I can to love her and grow her into a safe phase of development.
Finally, I got a visit from the perinatologist that I was not expecting. She was the one who originally checked my cervix, gave me the fetal fibronectin test and is officially the high risk pregnancy doctor. She took the time to sit with me and go over all my questions again. She came in because she had good news! She said that even though I had the negative fetal fibronectin test, I still had a 1 in 3 chances of delivering in the next two weeks (instead of 2% overall as I previously said). This doesn't sound like good news but in the study that gave those statistics almost all the women gave birth within 48 hours. Now that I am after that critical time, my chances are much less than that 1 in 3. Because of this, they are going to check my cervix again Wednesday and complete the fetal fibronectin test again. If nothing happens between then and now, my cervix remains stable and the fetal fibronectin is negative she will recommend to my doctors that I complete my bed rest at home and it may not even have to be strict bed rest. And even if the fetal fibronectin is positive I may be able to go home. Again, there are lots of factors that could influence that but this is very positive and hopeful.
It gives Eric and I a shorter timeline than originally planned and hope that I will leave this hospital still pregnant. If I went home I would still come in for more tests each week or more, not be able to work for a while if at all and everything else would pretty much stay the same. Except the one big difference of getting to be in my own home. If this best case scenario comes through I will be over the moon! However, it is still comforting to know I have all the baby doctors so close. The good with the bad. If there are more issues, more complications or factors or reasons to keep me here it would be devastating but much emotionally easier to stay here. Lots of different thoughts and emotions going through my mind. I take comfort knowing that the doctors and I have done everything possible for Addi up to this point and that's not going to change.
People ask me how they should pray for us. Please pray that there is no further issues or complications and that the "impossible" happens- my cervix stays the same or grows! Pray that I can get a few more weeks along, if I can get to 26 weeks- Addi's survival rate is about 90%! Each day counts. Please pray that Addi comes full term or at least at a safe time. God doesn't need doctors or medicines or monitoring, He is not confined by them but I know He uses them. Pray for a miracle. Eric and I trust God, He promised us Addi and there have been so many times along the way that He has reassured us. Maybe I have been tucking those verses and promises away (well, sharing them on here) to save for this time.
From my belly: This week our baby's crown-to-rump length is around 8.4 inches and will weigh approximately 1.2 pounds. Although she weighs a little over a pound at this point, our growing baby is still tiny. Addi does not appear to have much room in the uterus anymore, but as your pregnancy progresses, space gets much tighter! Her face is basically complete now and her eyes are close together on the front of his face and they are still shut. Our baby's ears have moved into their final position on the sides of his head. Where they are now is where they will be when your baby is born! Hair will continue to grow on his scalp and his eyelashes are well developed. Most of our baby's features look the same as they will at birth. Because our growing baby is getting plumper, she no longer has room in my tummy to do cartwheels and somersaults.
Thank you again for the love and support. Eric and I appreciate all of the calls and emails. Love you all!
Now, I probably sound ungrateful and like the worst patient ever. I get it. A shortened cervix is a bad thing. It is serious and needs to be taken seriously. There is no question that Addi is my most important priority. I would stand on my head for weeks for her if they told me it would help. However, the doctors have been clear that there is nothing they can do to lengthen my cervix or prevent further shortening. They hope bed rest helps but there is no guarantee. These are where my questions come in. The thought that I am here just waiting until something bad happens is maddening.
So these questions brought us to our first conversation with the doctor- Dr. Shakar (who reminds me very much of my high school best friend's Dad). He was one of the first doctors I met with here and he is from my OB/GYN office. Yesterday was extremely frustrating for us because they only checked my vital signs and Addi's heartbeat (no contraction monitor, no blood work, no other tests), all good. We talked for quite a while but it left me in tears. The bottom line was that they were keeping me here indefinitely, monitoring me.
Eric and I talked and I cried and vented that they weren't monitoring me, for example putting me on a "monitor". This led us to get the nurse and talk with her. She was a wonderful blessing. She reminded me of my favorite teacher growing up, Mrs. Urner. She sat with us a cried with us and tried to explain that the "monitoring" that Dr. Shakar was talking about was everything they were doing already and checking in with me a few times a day. The feeling I got from that conversation was that we are here for the long haul, many weeks and coping should be my biggest goal. This gave me some perspective about the big picture but left me sad that there is little I or anyone can do to help Addi. It did give me the sense that I am doing everything I can to love her and grow her into a safe phase of development.
Finally, I got a visit from the perinatologist that I was not expecting. She was the one who originally checked my cervix, gave me the fetal fibronectin test and is officially the high risk pregnancy doctor. She took the time to sit with me and go over all my questions again. She came in because she had good news! She said that even though I had the negative fetal fibronectin test, I still had a 1 in 3 chances of delivering in the next two weeks (instead of 2% overall as I previously said). This doesn't sound like good news but in the study that gave those statistics almost all the women gave birth within 48 hours. Now that I am after that critical time, my chances are much less than that 1 in 3. Because of this, they are going to check my cervix again Wednesday and complete the fetal fibronectin test again. If nothing happens between then and now, my cervix remains stable and the fetal fibronectin is negative she will recommend to my doctors that I complete my bed rest at home and it may not even have to be strict bed rest. And even if the fetal fibronectin is positive I may be able to go home. Again, there are lots of factors that could influence that but this is very positive and hopeful.
It gives Eric and I a shorter timeline than originally planned and hope that I will leave this hospital still pregnant. If I went home I would still come in for more tests each week or more, not be able to work for a while if at all and everything else would pretty much stay the same. Except the one big difference of getting to be in my own home. If this best case scenario comes through I will be over the moon! However, it is still comforting to know I have all the baby doctors so close. The good with the bad. If there are more issues, more complications or factors or reasons to keep me here it would be devastating but much emotionally easier to stay here. Lots of different thoughts and emotions going through my mind. I take comfort knowing that the doctors and I have done everything possible for Addi up to this point and that's not going to change.
People ask me how they should pray for us. Please pray that there is no further issues or complications and that the "impossible" happens- my cervix stays the same or grows! Pray that I can get a few more weeks along, if I can get to 26 weeks- Addi's survival rate is about 90%! Each day counts. Please pray that Addi comes full term or at least at a safe time. God doesn't need doctors or medicines or monitoring, He is not confined by them but I know He uses them. Pray for a miracle. Eric and I trust God, He promised us Addi and there have been so many times along the way that He has reassured us. Maybe I have been tucking those verses and promises away (well, sharing them on here) to save for this time.
From my belly: This week our baby's crown-to-rump length is around 8.4 inches and will weigh approximately 1.2 pounds. Although she weighs a little over a pound at this point, our growing baby is still tiny. Addi does not appear to have much room in the uterus anymore, but as your pregnancy progresses, space gets much tighter! Her face is basically complete now and her eyes are close together on the front of his face and they are still shut. Our baby's ears have moved into their final position on the sides of his head. Where they are now is where they will be when your baby is born! Hair will continue to grow on his scalp and his eyelashes are well developed. Most of our baby's features look the same as they will at birth. Because our growing baby is getting plumper, she no longer has room in my tummy to do cartwheels and somersaults.
Thank you again for the love and support. Eric and I appreciate all of the calls and emails. Love you all!
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