Despite the clear themes of domestic and sexual violence, which I will not discuss here (because it has already been so clearly define in research here and here) the book and its fan following have another dirty little secret no one wants you to know.
Are you ready for it?
That little dirty secret is...
If men were this excited about a piece of explicit material we would be mad.
If our men were passing around a piece of explicit material- written or visual, saying to his friends "You have to see this!" Then getting together to relive their favorite parts and joking about wishing you were that character. We would be mad.
If he fantasized about her during the day even when he wasn't reading or watching, join websites devoted to her to just get a little more and dare I say it, pleasuring himself to these images in his mind. We would be mad.
If he then asked you, his wife or girlfriend, to come watch her with him at the movies and get you the teddy bear characterization of the protagonist for Valentine's Day. We would be mad.
And when he asks us to be her, act like her, do things like her in our bedrooms because the way we made love before is no longer exciting enough. When he thought about her at our most intimate moments. We would be mad.
We might be so mad we talk to a therapist or a spiritual leader. We'd blame the porn industry. We'd research brain changes and try to make sense of it. We'd pray for him and hope he changes. We'd toss around the word "addiction". We'd pray he doesn't want us to change. We'd pray that we would still be enough and that his attraction to us wouldn't falter. We would be mad and rightfully so.
We would also be sad, hurt and jealous, too. Falling in love with or in lust with someone else will never be good for your relationship. When we start putting other people into our fantasies, the one we love is moved out. Maybe we as women need to think a little harder about what our men are set to lose with the debut of "50 Shades of Grey".
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