Open Letter: Gay Marriage

"I want to marry Stella!" my 2 year old tells me about her 1 year old sister.

It has been all about marriage here lately. I don't know if it is all of the Disney princess movies or just fun girl stuff but Addi is in love with the idea of marriage and a wedding. They don't know what is going on a few hundred miles south of here. Nor is this the time to talk about it with them. However, some day they are going to understand what the supreme court is and how important their decision is about gay marriage. This is my letter to them when the time comes.

Addi and Stella,

Your Christian mommy and daddy support gay marriage (gasp!). I hope you don't understand why there was once a gasp attached to this statement. Let me explain, for some time there has been a battle going on about being gay or lesbian and the right to get married. Many Christians have believed or do believe that homosexuality is wrong in the eyes of God and the Bible and are therefor against gay or lesbian couples having the legal right to get married.

This battle about whether or not homosexuality is wrong is for another conversation, loves. We can talk about what exactly the Bible says about homosexuality and how this fits into our Christian beliefs. I'll answer your questions the best I can but I don't pretend to have all of the answers. I am not making any sweeping judgments or declarations about homosexuality here. This letter is about the second part, about marriage. 

This is what I want you to know... marriage is a very special thing. It is a big deal. It is worth talking about and fighting for. Not everyone sees it that way. People make promises they don't mean and the divorce rate within Christian churches is worse than anywhere else. They don't take it seriously, they marry the wrong person or for the wrong reasons. Marrying your Dad was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Standing before God and our families, we promised to love and care for one another. We made a covenant, a promise. This is the sanctity of Christian marriage. This is what we believe is special and a big deal. Nothing or no one can take this away. Ever.

A few weeks before we said "I do", we went to the court house to apply for a marriage license. There are a whole host of laws about who can marry who (we both needed to be unmarried, not related, of a certain age, etc.) and the government takes care of that. This piece of legal paper, our marriage license provides us with over a 1,000 different rights including medical benefits like insurance, protection if one or both of us passes away, government benefits, housing benefits- all just because we signed the paper! Just like any other licenses such as a ones for the right to drive or practice a profession. God didn't give us these rights, a sweet and bubbly woman who helped us fill out our paper work (while flirting on the phone with her husband) did and they are separate from our covenant with God.

What does this mean? There is a difference between our beliefs and legal rights. Daddy and I believe that everyone should have access to these rights! It is about equality, not about making judgments about whether two people should be together. As I said, that is not what this letter is about.

Making something illegal, doesn't make it go away. No one will simply stop being gay because they don't have the right to marry. It is not a deterrent and it is not our right, as humans to judge and punish others for anything. There are many things that the Bible states are wrong or that we as Christian believe are wrong that are legal . That is okay. Everything from sex before marriage to being modest. Your Dad and I are not out on the picket line trying to get showing too much skin or having premarital sex to become illegal. These examples just seem silly but there are serious consequences for gay and lesbian families.

Families experience financial, emotional, medical hardship because they can't get married. Did you know, that in some places, you can not visit someone in the hospital if you aren't related by blood or marriage? You can't even take time off from work to care for someone if they aren't a relative? Think about how it would feel to not be able to see or take care of someone you  love. It would hurt. A lot. This makes me sad. And angry. And I believe it doesn't show love. Hurting someone else, withholding rights from them, never shows love.

We want to show love to people who are gay or lesbian. People we love deeply. I want them to know that our home is a safe place. I want them to know that my God loves them, that they are a child of God. Deeply loved. A loving God does not want harm to come to his children. I know this because I know that if either or both of you find yourself in love with a woman, I do not want anyone to be able to harm you- physically, emotionally, financially, or in any other way. 

 I am sad to tell you, my sweet girls, that for many gay or lesbian people are not safe around the world or here in America. It is still legal in America to fire someone from their job because they are gay. It is still legal in other countries to kill someone if they are gay. As humans, sometimes we like to take on God's role in making rules, judging and punishing.

I know this is a lot of information and I pray that this letter will be a starting point for many more conversations. What I want you to take away from this letter? Love. Protection. Equality. Many people will disagree with us- people we love and respect- but that is okay. This is just our decision on how to seek justice, love mercy and walk humbly with our God. We love you so,

Mommy & Daddy